I can’t wait…

for this movie! I saw the trailer and it made me cry. There’s so much truth and power in it, and more than a few points that were/are resonate with me.

I’m excited about this because it’s covering a viewpoint that we don’t get a lot of, and that is what happens to you when you lose your hearing after having it for you whole life?

It was supposed to come out November 20, and I was all excited, but then the release date on Amazon prime got moved to Dec 4th. But now, I’ll get to use it as a reward for meeting my deadline!!

When it’s premiered, I will definitely be writing about it, doing a review. I think I may not talk about any of that until I have watched it. Because like I said, there is a lot to say.

I have not been able to write or check in because I have been diligently working on my Graduate school application. I spread it all out because I did not want to be stressed or pressed for time. Something as big as this, is not something I’m going to half ass. Wait.. do I ever half ass anything in my life?? I honestly can’t think of a time when I have…interesting.. I will have to come up with one.

It’s been interesting for me, this second round of applying to grad school. When I applied to University of Denver, I did the same thing, took my time, spread it out. Nothing good ever comes from being rushed. Anyway, I had to write a scholarly essay to put in my submission and it had to have some supporting research. So, I spent weeks thinking about it, days gathering my research, and I had to learn how to do an APA style paper. I got my BA in creative writing, we used MLA, none of this APA stuff. So, there was definitely some trepidation for me. If you know me at all, you know what a perfectionist I am…I laugh as I type that because a story pops into my head. Being a freshman at Sinte, and Albert (White Hat) had assigned us to record a Lakota song for our Lakota song and Dance class. I chose our Lakota Flag song. O.MG.. I was so perfectionist about it, and so stressed out. I needed to (I thought) be PERFECT, and do my absolute BEST. So I locked my husband out of our kitchen in our tiny apartment, and worked FOR HOURS on it. I learned the Lakota words, the English translation. In those days, (literally 22 years ago) we didn’t have all this technology. We had tiny tape recorders we had to use. So I took my tape recorder, I took my hand drum, and locked myself in the kitchen and worked on it. I recorded and re recorded it tona times!!! EEEEEeeee.. so funny I am.

Anyway, let’s just say it was a bit similar to that… like, I had porcupine spines and everything. I locked myself in my room and whew, it was for the safety of my family haahaa!! Oh my, I have so many stories like that for you all. I will get to them. It’s funny to think about it from an abstract perspective of myself, I am definitely amusing, that is for sure! But I think because I have always felt like an orphan, I HAVE HAD to be perfect. So many people feel pressure from their families, or whatever, but it’s always just been me. I ‘ve always said I’m an orphan, (because I AM) so I have no soft place to land if I fail, except the garbage, and that is not appealing to me whatsoever. I know it’s all weird, but it’s my experience, and it’s my life. I’ve had to live as a survivor from 18 months old; so my fear of failure keeps me on tighter reign, on the far edge of needing to be perfect. It’s interesting too, because whether I’m accepted by others or not, is not even in the equation, its all motivated by PROVING to whomever, that I am capable, and I CAN do the work, meet that challenge. (Whatever the “work” is.) It’s probably something I could work on, but it’s hardly detrimental in the big picture of things, and it’s not a bad habit/quirk to have.

Blah blah blah…lol I’m just gonna gloss over this and go into depths of the many funny stories I have for you in later posts.

Okay, I have to go to sleep now, it’s almost 12: 30. I’ll post my title page for my submission essay here after everything is done. If you want a peek before hand though, I did post it on my IG and Tumblr.

I goes abu now.

Toksa, MBB

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