Um..hi.. hi! How ya all doin’? 🙂
I know, I know.. long time silence AGAIN..but if you’ve been a long time reader, you should know by now… I’m busy living my life so I have to stop and write about it when I have time.
Anyway… so. lots to update you on. As well as much to talk about. I guess I will do the update now, and then delve into the thing things. I am currently writing this on Friday, June 25, 2021. Life has been such a whirlwind!! classes start..in 8 weeks!! I am so excited!!! I got my internship figured out. I interviewed at a couple of places, but picked one because it was in line with the work I have done and will be doing after graduation. Plus, I REALLY support and believe in their mission and work. I’m also excited about my internship because it’s a paid internship and a job after graduation. When I went for my interview, and they said that, I was like. ..”What? Really?” But then I remembered that my resume spoke for itself, and I’ve been doing this work for a lot of years. It’s such a happy thing for me and an honor. A reminder and a reward for busting my butt and being committed for all those years. And a sweet reminder that I am EXACTLY where I want, need and deserve to be. And I am absolutely grateful and celebrating it! All of it. It was seven years ago this February that my life completely crumpled around me and I thought my amazing, incredible, bad ass life was over forever. The years dragged on and I was so scarred, so scared and so lost that for the first time in my life I didn’t see a silver lining. I was terrified that I was never going to be me again. But I am… after a lot of hard work, and one of the most capable and amazing therapists who never left my side, who NEVER rushed me, who reminded me I’d get there in time, and never once gave up on me, even when I was ready to give up on me. I had a lot of piles of shit to get through, (Hello C-PTSD), but I did it. And on this side, I can say, thank god that’s over, but also, thank god I did it. Because there is no way I’d be able to be here RIGHT now, living this life, without doing it. The horror, the pain, the fear was all worth it. Because in the places those things were, are now wisdom, a softness, an awareness as well as other things that are more valuable to me than the scars and the trauma. I’m back to my badass Goddess state.
Digression. lol. okay, back to school things.
I looked up my school books and I am so excited to get them!!! They are going to cost me 500$ for the first semester, which I want to get them ASAP to start reading them because they are so interesting! I am really excited to get into them. But I’m going to have to have some food sales, public readings or art commissions because I don’t have that in my bank account anymore. I used to, but I took Cunksi on a much needed vacation and bought a vehicle so I’ll need to re-fatten my bank account again. I’ll have it in time for school, but I don’t want to wait for school, I want to get my books now and read them. I’m nerd like that and I don’t even care. I’ve always done that, because knowledge literally excites me.
One of the things I’ll start talking about here, and on my vlogs is the process of applying to grad school and internship stuff. Things you don’t know, until you do. So if I can give heads up on things, I will be happy to.
So, in other life news. I was teaching at a private school. I was teaching in a mixed classroom of 2-4 year olds. Th majority of my students were special needs. Not in the traditional sense of the word, but special needs in the sense that they literally had special needs, a few were traumatized, a few had sensory issues, a few had or were on the autism spectrum. it was the most exciting teaching job I’d had in a few years. I’ve taught forever really, and the start to my career was teaching preschool and littles, but my longest was teaching college, so it had been a LONG time since I’d been in that setting. But as always Tunkasila took care of me and guided everything. He literally guided me to that door because i was not looking for a job ( I had one) and I was certainly not looking to get back into teaching tinys. I got invited for an interview, and just went with it. My resume and experience spoke for itself and I was hired on the spot.
I loved my students so much and learned so much from them! I had decided if I didn’t get into grad school, I’d stay there, as they had certifications and advancement opportunities. But Tunkasila had other plans for me, so I welcomed them with open arms. Spoiler alert… it was grad school. LOL!!! Anyway, it was such a nice transition time for me. and even though it paid very little..I worked enough that it gave me a nice nest egg. (my first in years.) I feel like Tunkasila was gently saying..here do this, I’ll take care of you. You’re going to work your ass off, be exhausted but you’ll grow and learn, and get to help kiddos. It will be worth it in the end. And it absolutely was. The lessons I learned there, will/are DEFINITELY going to and already are helping me in the social services field.
On my last day, I was mixed with relief and sadness. I was relieved that I was done making lesson plans,and all the other minutia that is teaching, was over. I was sad that I probably wouldn’t be teaching again. But I was so so grateful that it has been one of those skills, talents and abilities that has shored me up when I needed it. If I needed a job, I knew I could ALWAYS teach. Teaching has always been such an honor and a joy for me. I loved seeing all my students, big and little..get it. I loved that I was always teaching at non profits or tribal schools. The pay was never very good, but it was always enough to keep a roof over our heads and food in my precious daughter’s tummy. There’s so many other stories I could share, but I will on another day.
I’m going to wrap this particular post up because I have other things I need to write about.
There will be a deluge of post in the next few days. I want to write while I have the time.
More later,
Peace, hugs and Turtles,
MBB
Between Silence And Sound 