Well it’s been awhile, you know that. I am fully ensconced in both work and school. Let me tell you, it took me a hot minute to balance it all out too. Working 40 hours a week, being a single mom and going to school full time is a lot. I thought just being Mary Fucking Black Bonnet would be enough to get through it, but not so much. I forgot that Deafness is wearing and when I was just working I could come home and rip out my hearing aids and just chill. But once school started I was working all day coming home, making dinner feeding my child then doing homework all night and falling into bed exhausted. So it took a while but I figured it out. Now I only do the work from one class a day and then I’m finished by the weekend so cunksi and I can hang out and do fun things. We both need that time together. It feels less strangling than trying to do everything every day and all the reading. That was insane and I realized completely not needed. I still had this idea in my head that I had to be top of the class, keep the amazing GPA I had for my undergrad, etc and that shit went right out the window. I don’t need any hero awards, because spoiler alert, no one is giving any out anyway. I had to have a discussion with my supervisor at work and I told her how i was feeling, like I needed to be TOP of everything and she looked at me and was like, “NO” “You are fine exactly as you are. we love your work ethic, we know what you can do. And NO ONE cares about what grades you got in school.” It was a super important human moment for me because I allowed myself to be vulnerable enough to be human and my supervisor reacted as a human. Up to this point, those occurrences have been rare in my life. My life experiences and interactions with other human beings have not allowed me to be soft, vulnerable or show my belly to anyone. I joked with my co workers about how this place has been so healing for me and I’m learning so much. One of the biggest things was how utterly dysfunctional my previous jobs and employers have been.
I don’t have long to write this, but I wanted to pop on and say hi. I love school. I’m still madly in love with my job. I’m still mega excited about my future. This next week will be hell because I have major things due at work, at school and I’m doing a public presentation. But I’m MFBB…what else should I expect? LOL
September is Deaf Awareness Month and I had all these things planned, but life got in the way, so maybe next year I can do more writing about it. I do have other things for you, but honestly when work is done and my school work is done, i only want to hang out with cunksi and re calibrate. Self care has to come first these days. I’ll get to this as I can. Don’t feel abandoned. Large gaps won’t last forever. And if you want more immediate interaction, follow my social media, IG, Tik tok, etc.
Until then, take care of yous…peace hugs and turtles….