Recalibration

So.

I went back to my audiologist at the end of my trial week and I ordered the Resound GN’s.

I had time to think and analyze and feel after my frustrated blog post. (The Silent Frustrations of Being Deaf). I discussed everything I was feeling/experiencing with my audiologist. She listened, empathized and responded:

“I wish I could fix it. I wish I could give you your hearing back. I’m doing the best I can.” As her words flowed through her hands and into my sight, my eyes filled with tears. I was beyond grateful for everything she’s done for me since I found her. For how she’s advocated for me, for helping me understand my Deafness. For helping me adjust physically, as much as she can. I’m extremely grateful that she signs. Her office is like a safe cocoon for me where I don’t have to work hard to communicate or to understand.

I told her what I realized I was doing without knowing it. . I thought the hearing aids would fix it. But i realized that my level of deafness is nothing hearing aids can fix, and when I heard her voice so clear that day in her office….I forgot that for a moment.

Anyway, I’m okay. This Deaf journey is like a video game, there’s different levels to it, with skills to learn and challenges to navigate. I’m happy to say I feel much better equipped to deal with it all now, than last year and years previous.

I’m in a better place emotionally and financially as well. 4k is a lot of money but thank God she allows financing. I could NOT do my job without these hearing aids.

My job remains an incredible place to work. I’m busy with clients and my days are full, but at the end of the work day, I go home and don’t do or think about it again until I unlock my office door the next morning. I love having a schedule that’s fixed or flexed as I desire. I love having kind, healthy co workers who collaborate instead of rip each other down, back bite or fail to show up at all. I love having a boss that says good job, thank you and keep up the good work. I love having my suggestions, input and contributions respected and honored.

I love not DREADING going to work.

Life is awesome.

I have more to say, but my dog needs to go out. I’ll be back.